Years ago my life coach at the time told me there are three rules by which to live: “Be kind. Be kind. Be kind.” Although it may sound quite simplistic, it is, in practice, quite challenging. And—if practiced often—it can be exceptionally healing. In the words of Albert Einstein, “Everything is energy . . . that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy, this is physics.” Everything brings a unique form of energy to our lives–thoughts, words, sounds, colors, fragrances/odors, movements, temperatures, etc. Each form of energy has its own vibration and frequency. So then, what type of energy comes to us when we are kind?
Recall for a moment, the feelings that you have had from someone paying you a genuine compliment, or unexpectedly doing something kind for you. Even more importantly, think of when you paid yourself a genuine compliment or did something kind for yourself. The power of kindness is remarkable. There are many studies confirming the importance of encouraging children rather than criticizing them. Yes, we need to be honest and truthful and avoid false praise, but often we can be honest using words of kindness.
Being kind means saying truthful words to ourselves WITHOUT judgment. As an example, you can change the phrase “Wow, I am so overweight and ugly,” to “Wow, I allowed this to happen and I can move toward a healthy weight by being kind to myself in some way every day.” Instead of, “I am useless, I cannot do anything right,” we can say “I am having a challenging day and will pay closer attention to details.” The technique requires us to be positive with truthfulness. We cannot simply effect desired change by being “new-age” and thinking positive thoughts if they are not true. First, we must acknowledge what we are feeling. Then we can examine the truth of what we are feeling. You have every right to your feelings, even if they are not accurate. Our minds know the difference between truth and falsehood in our feelings. When we make poor choices or act in ways we really don’t like, we cannot sugarcoat our actions. We must acknowledge what occurred, accept the learning that we invited, and then choose to take a different path. Many times we need assistance in clearing ‘stuck’ emotional energies.
Here are some ways you can be kind to yourself this coming year:
- Find fifteen minutes of calm or beauty or healthy pleasure for yourself to experience every day.
- Give a genuine compliment to yourself.
- Notice when you are criticizing yourself. Give yourself permission to judge yourself, because that IS what is happening. Allow the energy of your judgement to rise up so you can feel it in your body. When it starts to calm, try interrupting your thought process by replacing it with something you are grateful for in yourself.
- Keep a gratitude journal.
- Keep your promises to yourself—and make sure your promises are realistic and attainable. If you cannot keep them, do not make them.
- When you fall short of one of your own expectations, acknowledge that it occurred (without judging yourself!) and ask, “What is it that I need to learn from this experience/situation?”
- Work with an energy healer such as Patrick Rodriguez, Soul Healing Therapy to clear your ‘stuck’ emotional energies.
Being kind is a daily practice and requires us to be patient with ourselves. Set a New Year’s resolution to be kind—to others, yes, but especially to yourself.
© Trinity Integrative Family Medicine, Inc., glkocourek, Jan-2017, latest revision 09-May-2021